Vaqueras in the Fire

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A pre-bout look at the Rhinestone Cowgirls vs. las Putas del Fuego.

The war between Stetsons and Sombreros heats up again as two rivals take to the track to try to prove who looks less silly in that big-ass hat they’re wearing: the Rhinestone Cowgirls or the Putas del Fuego. Neither team has secured a victory yet this season, but that streak will end for one of them on Saturday below the shining lights and above the cold hard boards of the Thunderdome. Which team will break the loosing streak? They’ve both got stellar players, but the W.C. has the feeling it’s going to come down to the team that makes the fewest mistakes come bout night.

The Rhinestone Cowgirls are a team that just lost a bar fight at their favorite honkytonk. They’re sitting on the curb, holding a napkin to their nose and wondering how they got licked so thoroughly. Then, from inside the smoke filled bar, they hear somebody else trash talking and that boils up their blood to a special level of oh-hell-no and they head back in to set the record straight. With their fists. In a fight (in case you weren’t getting the subtle overtones). The Cowgirls are not a team of subtle anything and they aren’t a team that stays down. And they’ve got the weapons to prove it: Mad Maxican and Sassy Squasher are definite threats as jammers. Dusty Doublewide, Catty Whompass and Bikini Killer are a solid blocking core. And don’t get me wrong, the rest of the team are no slouches either. They’ve got the talent to make any team that takes to the track against them second guess their better judgement. You see Dusty on that line and you can’t help but think, “Maybe a bowl of Cool Ranch Doritos and some reruns of the O.C. would have been a better use of my time tonight”. But the one thing that was lacking in their fist outing this season was cohesion. They were a team that looked like they just hadn’t come together yet. And putting that up against the clear precision of their opponent was their shortfall. The other unknown is Dusty, who was on injured reserved in the last bout. She’s such a powerhouse unto herself that it can be difficult to plan against her, but also difficult to plan without her. Will she be back or won’t she? That could be the deciding factor for this bout.

On the other side of the track we have the Putas del Fuego, who’ve emerged in the last couple of seasons to be the team to beat. They’ve already suffered a loss this season, but I honestly think they were just caught by surprise by the ruthless precision of the Holy Rollers. Their fiery Latin tempers won’t soon let them forget that embarrassment, and you can be sure they’ll be looking to make amends this next time around. They’re currently captained by their biggest point scoring threat, Lyka Boss and behind her are a menagerie of quad-clad prowess. Smitey Mouse and Rasta Fury and Buffy Basher and Knockout: all bullets in the bandoleer that lays across the Putas’ chest. Plus, there’s Sab-a-Taj who, when she’s not actually doing pushups, is thinking of new and exiting ways to do pushups. (And your guns look great Sab! Please don’t use your biceps to crush my skull like it’s a honeydew melon.) If anything will get in their way on the track, it’ll be that fiery Latin temper. If they loose their cool, it will open the door for a Cowgirls team that is hungry to  jump on any weakness like a halter-top clad spinster at a hoedown. Plus, if they don’t come away with a win, there’s a very real chance that the Puta Nation may just burn down the building.

Who’s going to pull out the win this time? There’s not a clear front runner. On the one side, the Cowgirls are on the ropes, trying to come back from a tough loss and they can be dangerous when cornered. On the other side are the Putas, a team that’s been on a hot streak for a couple of seasons now and who show no signs of slowing down any time soon. If I had to choose, I’d probably go with the Putas. But I wouldn’t put money on it, cause the cowgirls just came back through the bar door, and they look pissed.

The Rhinestone Cowgirls take on las Putas del Fuego at the Palmer Events Center this Saturday. (Click for details!)

I’ll see you at the bout, and come back for more from the W.C.!

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