On Saturday the W.C. had the chance to attend the housewarming party for the new home of TXRD in Austin down off of South Congress (The W.C. refuses to call it So Co. You know why.). The new space is pretty bitching. I got to mingle with some cool derby chicks, they played a mini bout and guess what? It was all free! That’s right, if you didn’t bother to come out because you decided to binge watch reruns of Buffy on TNT while you slammed back Snickers bites, you missed out on free derby! Some of your favorite retired players were there too, like Lacy Bones, Dot Stoevsky, Rocky Casbah. Rocky Casbah you guys! I may have geeked out a little bit over her. I also may have made things weird when I couldn’t control my fanboy mouth and my brain was forced to watch in horror while my mouth gradually destroyed all of my credibility as a functioning homo sapiens.
It may or may not have gone something like this:
Me: Rocky, you’re my favorite player!
Me: I was very sad when you retired.
Rocky: That’s nice. It was time for me to retire, though.
Me: Well, it was great to see you skate again. You’ve still got the moves.
Rocky: Thanks.(Starts to look away.)
My brain: You’re loosing her. Say something to keep her engaged.
My brain: What are you doing?
Me: I don’t know!
My brain: Compliment her. Ladies like it when you compliment them.
Me: You changed your hair.
Me: Your hair. You used to wear it in a braid over your right shoulder with a hair tie that matched your hair color. But now you’ve just got it in a ponytail with a blue scrunchie.
Rocky: Riiight…Stop touching my hair.
Me: And your laces.
My brain: Oh, god.
Rocky: My what?
Me: Your laces. Didn’t you used to do them left over right? Looks like you made the switch to right over left. You’ve gone to the dark side! (Tries to give a charming chuckle. Instead comes out like that guy from Revenge of the Nerds.)
My brain: Stop doing everything you’re doing right now.
Me: Is that Lady Speed Stick you’re wearing? Because you smell amazing.
Rocky: Imma’ go now.
Me: Oh, okay that’s cool. It was great to catch up with you. I’m just gonna hang out over–she’s gone.
My brain: Nice job, jackass.
Me: I panicked. She just…
My brain: I don’t want to hear it. Now find us a drink so we obliterate this from my memory.
Social faux pas aside, it was a pretty jammin’ time. (Do you see what I did there? “Jammin'” because it’s derby?)
I’ll show myself out.