A pre-game analysis for this weekends bout.
Who wants to take a minute to speculate wildly about this weekends roller derby bout? I realize I can’t actually hear your responses because that’s not how internets work, but it wouldn’t matter anyway because I’m going to talk about it weather you want me to or not. Also, if you’re worried that our relationship may have become too controlling because I’m telling you what to do, don’t worry about it. Now be quiet, the adults are talking. Also, if you think that this is some kind of legitimate relationship, maybe you’re the one who doesn’t understand how internets work.
So they’re calling this the “Heaven vs. Hell” bout and things have gotten heated between the teams even before the bout has started. The mudslinging was kicked off with a video by the Holly Rollers (you can see it here) and then the Putas del Fuego responded with an articulate and concise, not to mention well thought out, rebuttal (that lives here). Good vs. evil? Well, that depends on who’s side you’re on.
To start it off, this is the second time we’re seeing the Holly Rollers this season and it’s kind of a must-win for the bad girls from Sacred Heart. A loss would put them two bouts down and the best they could hope for then would be to break even on the season. And I think that would be a shame for a team that boasts the talent potential to take them to a playoff berth. They’ve got a solid core like Atilla the Nun and Hispanic Panic, not to mention three (count ’em, three) of the best jammers in the league with Prissy Galore, Hermione Danger and Bible Thumper. The Rollers have the skills to take any team to task that dares to tread the blood-soaked boards of the Thunderdome against them. I mean, have you seen Prissy jam? She jumps the apex like a Hot-Wheels track off your mothers dining room table.
But the Putas are coming off two solid seasons and might have the scariest jammer out there in Lyka Boss. And she’s the captain this season which is also frightening because I have a feeling that her leadership skills largely involve yelling at her teamates until they hurt more people. (Seriously, she’s got to be like a more angry Pai Mei from Kill Bill, just making people do knuckle pushups and balance on one wheel while she sits on their shoulders and drinks tea.) Now that I think about it, their team is full of scary people. I’m fairly sure Sab-A-Taj and Putahontas run an underground bear fighting club. Not a club where they make bears fight, but a club where they fight the bears themselves. And knock-outs are for pussies. They go for the submission. Bear Submissions, new derby name (dibs!).
However it shakes out, this bout will be one for the ages. The Rollers are trying to, well, get rolling on their season and the Putas want to make a solid start for another playoff run. Who’s my pick? Honestly, I think it’s too close to call. The Rollers want it and the Putas think they have it. I’ll just have to head over to the Thunderdome on Saturday and see how it shakes out.
That’s all for now from the W.C.. Let us know what you expect from the bout in the comments below. And give us one of those like things, apparently that’s the cool thing to have now.